Okay well, you got me Phyllis, you said that one day i would come to miss that dog. And honestly i haven't stopped crying on and off for the past 2 days. How can you not. Even if you never let your dog sleep in your bed or anywhere near it, or you don't let your dog mingle on the main floor of your home, or you make her stay in a basement most of her days because you dislike dog hair and dog smell and drool, you can't help but miss the face that you have looked at for 8 and half years over and over all through each day. I think for the most part I was a good owner. I know there are lots better and lots worse. I didn't lean down and kiss her, but i rubbed her body and head often and talked nice to her A LOT!! I told her sweetly everynight goodnight and love ya. I enjoyed seeing her and having her around 24/7, even though most people heard me complain and talk rudely about her. NOW I AM PAYING FOR IT. I feel like hell that most of you have the worse painted picture of her. I know that most of you weren't to fond either of her, but i let on that she was a lot harder and high maintenance than she was and I regret it. When I think of her face i see Alexis in her, mainly because they were together so much. Now that she is gone, i feel like she was the 4th child that was pushed aside. And i feel so sad, because she deserved more than that because she was a sweet dog who offered nothing but love and affection. My advice to you is don't get a dog if you can't give it your time and energy. We were much better before we had kids, she got long walks DAILY and lots of talking time in. I have been pushed to my limits the last 2 years of my life and I feel like i am close to knockin my head against the wall several times a week. I love my life and love my situation of craziness, but i don't love that fact that I am wracked with guilt because of the lack of attention I showed my dog. In my defense i know i wasn't horrible. I talked to her a lot through out the day and gave her treats and table food to be nice. I would let her up a lot recently to play with the kids, but now that she is gone, i could have done better. I am sad that i didn't get to say goodbye to her because again she feels like she was another child, and essentially when you raise something from the time they are 5 weeks old, they are your child. And right now I feel like a very so so parent. I wish i could tell Sunny thank you for all the things she did do for me. I actually did go down to the basement and talked through my tears telling her spirit thank you. I told her thank you for being very sweet to my kids. Thank you for allowing alexis to playfully torment you for the last 4.5 years, thank you for going along with any game she wanted even if it meant you being tied to the bathroom door for two hours on a very short leash while I didn't even know. Thank you for letting Mitchie crawl all over you and dig his fingers inside your mouth, without biting him. Thank you for letting the kids step on your tail, and paws both of which you hate. Thank you forgiving me daily when I would pack up the kids in the car and leave you home behind whining cause you wanted to go. Thank you for giving my restful peaceful nights of sleep because i knew you were our watch dog as we slept. Thank you for ALWAYS giving me that peace that you would alarm us of any potential danger. Thank you for making Jason laugh a lot. Thank you for providing countless hours of entertainment for my kids. Thank you for allowing me to be surprised that dogs do cute things. Thank you for vacuuming my floor whenever given the chance. Thank you for the love you brought to the family and being a sweet dog. I know you had your problems, but it never stopped you from showing us love and I am now seeing that. Thank you for loving me even though I could have and should have done more. Way more. Sorry Sunny. Love ya. See ya on the other side!
Yes that is her dragging her butt down our hill. (hense the reason for the grose outs!)
9 comments:
Tear Jerker. You were not bad to that dog. I think you are feeling what everyone feels, well, nearly everyone when a pet or person dies. We all think we should have done more, or been better. Your dog was HARD!!!! Harded by far than most. You guys took great care of her. She always had all of her basic needs met. You never abused her, you kept her clean, had her shots, took her to the vet, you protected her from what she didn't want to do (go outside and stay). She may not have gotten walked every day, but she was never shut away. To say she was in the basement paints the wrong picture. It was a nice carpeted area that stepped out into a grassy back yard. She had full reign of the stairs. She could be almost in any of the bottom rooms with you anytime she wanted. No solid doors ever blocked Sunny from the family.
I think you should realize, she was not completely normal, and today she is. I think her passing was a blessing to her too. Most of the guilt I think you feel, is what you suffered mentally every day with her. Your frustration. Sunny didn't feel that like you did. Sunny didn't drive herself nuts, just you. I think she had a pretty good life. You didn't cause her to be stressed out.
Hope you have a better day tomorrow.
That was a cute post and i think you aren't giving yourself enough credit. Dad(or mom) is right on all levels. Your talking "rudely" about sunny was all talk and everyone knew it. We all knew you loved that dog. I never doubted that. I'm just surprised that sunny was a girl. I was thinking sunny was a boy this whole time. oops. I hope you guys can cheer up and move on as soon as possible. You were great owners. Don't beat yourself up over it. Love you all. Night.
Boy, that really made me sad. : ( I can SO relate to how you feel. But I agree with Mom and Mitch, there shouldn't be guilt-- what you're feeling is just emptiness, sadness and change-- all miserable emotions. Sunny only knew her own reality, therefore she was content. I really believe that. It's so easy to feel bad about yourself, everyday, that you're not doing enough, or not doing it well. Definitely something we all need to work on. Like Mitch said, we ALL knew you guys loved her-- so did she. RIP Sunny. I'm sad you're gone.
I've heard someone say "you did the best you could with what you had." You and Jason were great with Sunny when you two had no children and when you had Alexis. Walks, blah, blah, blah... Now add twins to the mix and something has to give. I'm so glad that you gave your best to Alexis. You were very sensitive towards that dog, you might have talked crazy about her, but you were sensitive towards her. You let her do what SHE wanted to do. When you had Mitchie and Matthew you were stretched SOOOO thin, still are! That dog was perfectly fine! You gave her as much as you could part with, but you had to do what was best for your family. Cuddle time was much more important to give your children than Sunny. You only have so much to give and on those hard days, you gave most to your children. Sunny got most of her love from Alexis, and I'm sure she loved it! You did your best! My brother-in-law and sister-in-law are MAJOR dog lovers and they're following the same pattern that you did with Sunny. Their dog is now in the basement with in a small space and my SIL barely pets her during the day. It's how it goes!!! Any good mother knows that children come first, then the dog. You were good to Sunny, you are better to your children...I could be wrong but I think Heavenly Father prefers that. And...who in the heck started the whole pets thing anyway? Animals living in the house with the people? Doesn't seem right to me. This will pass and you'll be fine. Erase the guilt, it's ridiculous!!
I'm crying now. You are being too hard on yourself. You took good care of her. She was safe, loved and healthy because you WERE good owners. She loved her family, and that says a lot...you guys did something to earn that love. She's up in doggy heaven playing with Chewy and getting lots of treats from our Grandma Kennedy. She loved to buy rotesserie (sp) chickens and give them to the dogs. I'm sure Sunny's at her table now! Hang in there. I feel sad for you guys, it is like loosing a memeber of the family. Give the kids my love. Love ya!
Jek,
Time to celebrate and get new carpet! Enough with the guilt. Reality is we can always treat everyone and everything better than we do. That is why we were put on the earth... to learn to be better because we are all naughty. (or at least most of us are...) Your dog lived a good life and was loved. (period). Now go shopping for new carpet OR take on of Mary's 10 puppies and add some more animal drama to your life.
I remember when you first got her! What a tender post, so sad she died. I know how you feel with the whole kids and dog thing. I had to give one of mine away. But deep down, they understand. Feel better soon and rid yourself of the guilt.
So sorry to hear about Sunny. Was it old age? We all greive in our own way with regrets, etc. But this is all normal and I'm sure Sunny loved being part of your family and was so glad you loved him in spite of his idiosycranies. We all know how you all feel as we've been there with our family animals great and small. We love you guys and sure enjoy you sharing your lives with us out here in the west. Love to all, Aunt Becky and Uncle John
Wow that just made me cry. you are a good little writer. I miss Sunny and I hardly knew her. I just thinks it is sad when things die. I am sure she is having the time of her life. You were good to take her in and keep her even when things got hard. You guys never got rid of her or put her down or just left her somewhere and drove off, which would have been the easy way out. You loved her and kept her to the end. She is happy and loves you from afar.
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